I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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