I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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