U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
