Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need a burrito and a hug.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
