That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
