We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
