What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
