I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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