I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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