Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
