is your mom at the bar?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
