My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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