it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
