I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize