you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
