A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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