drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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