I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
