You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
