you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
