I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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