I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
