The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
