So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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