Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
