I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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