Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
