I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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