when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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