I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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