last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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