Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
