Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
