There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
