if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
