she was so not down for the gang bang
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
