This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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