so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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