Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
