Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
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