it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
