zippers are such a cool invention
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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