so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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