he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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