At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
