I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
