I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
