for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
