Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
In America we eat man semen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
