I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
