According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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