New low: just hacked my moms facebook
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she pinky promised me she was 18
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
