I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
