i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
