shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm bleeding and have questions
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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