Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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