Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
