i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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