Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
