i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Small penises have feelings too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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