I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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