She's JV to your varsity
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need moral support for this bender
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
