theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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