thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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