I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
