Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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