True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize