I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
