my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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