went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
