two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
