Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Someone shit on the floor
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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