I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
