I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
