grandma shit on top of the toilet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
