Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
