that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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