Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
two words: eviction party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
