there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
