apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
