she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
