peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it glows. i had to have it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
