I cockslap morals
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
