i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
