oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
