I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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